Bad News

hate to be the negativity guy but just got out of a 3 year old long distance relationship on saturday. first love. wow, some crazy shit it is, we were spending 90% of our time apart and maintaining everything via skype and whatsapp. it feels crazy and i was snapping in and out of a mix of different emotions between love, hate, sadness and denial. been a pretty destructive person but im trying to get better. it sucks but i still want to remain best friends because that's pretty much what we've been/we were before we got into it. people have advised me against it but sometimes i think you gotta get into it yourself before you understand what everyone else is trying to say. getting better and trying harder every single day. still miss and love her like crazy. those were really good times that im really going to miss a lot.


Edited by ranonranonarat - 19 Apr 2012 at 8:26am

sorry to hear it Ranon, keep your chin up

Ranon, like the others I'm also sorry to hear this and In my experience (and believe me, I've had plenty!), time is the only thing that will make you feel better about it. I think Dr Heech is spot on with the peaks and troughs theme - surely that's better than an emotional flatline existence? Sometimes we learn from experience, sometimes we don't and just do the whole thing over again, but so what? That's what life's about.

Keep your chin up/ wallow and eat ice cream/ get drunk/ do what's right for you and gradually that chink of daylight will get brighter and brighter.

Oh, and comfort yourself with some new jeans ;)

This evening my Grandmother passed away.

i will miss her dearly, she was an incredible woman.

After going back and forth about it, I finally decided to go behind my father's back and talk to his psychiatrist.  Increased inability to focus, agitation, mood swings, taking everything as criticism and a personal attack and turning it into a confrontation, obsessive behavior, etc.  Told him I know dad's cutting some of his pills to decrease dosage, but don't know if that's his heart/ high blood meds or he psychiatric medications (though I assume the latter).  I know the Dr can't discuss my fathers care with me, but he could have cared less about what I had to say, chalked up dad's confrontational-ism as "just his personality", and just wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible.  Pretty disappointing, and not sure where to go from here.  Can't talk to dad in his current state, because like I said, if I say anything he disagrees with, it becomes a confrontation, he shuts down, and runs to his room and hides..... The most basic fucking things like "are these clothes (that are scattered all over the house) clean or dirty (so I can put them in the closet or the hamper)?" or "please don't leave your prescription pill bottles sitting on the coffee table where the dog can get at them" becomes a reason for him to have an anxiety attack and run to his room.  I'm afraid I'm going to wake up some day to find my dog overdosed and dead because he finally thought dad's pills smelled tasty.  Been dealing with my father's mental illness for going on 25 years.  Until the past few years, it was generally a winter thing where from November through March he was worthless.   Now it's getting to the point where his lows and highs aren't as dramatically different, but the depression is year round, and it's making me sick and filling me with resentment toward him.